Note (December 2025): I originally published this post on March 20, 2012. I’m keeping the core message intact, but I’ve expanded and lightly updated it with a few extra layers I’ve learned since then (and a bit more clarity than I had back when my days were measured in caffeine, meetings, and “fire drills”).
Today has been another absolutely crazy day.
A colleague is out of office, which means I’m managing a team of roughly 24 people (give or take sickness, holidays, and life happening), while also dealing with a wide array of both internal and external issues, problems, targets, customers, goals… the whole circus.
And somewhere between “Can we jump on a quick call?” and “This needs to be solved yesterday,” I caught myself thinking the exact same thought I had this morning:
How blessed I am to actually love my job.
Sure – frustration digs in during the course of my daily (non)-routine. But looking back at the day, and remembering that feeling I woke up with (and still having that same feeling even to this day), I was led right back to a question that never really goes away:
What does “success” actually mean?
Not in the poster-on-the-wall way. Not in the LinkedIn-highlight-reel way. In an absolute real way – when you’re tired, responsible for others, trying to grow something, and still attempting to be a decent human being at home.
Back then (and honestly, still today), most definitions of success I hear floating around tended to fall into a few buckets:
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Profitability – or more precisely the extent thereof, meaning: “I drive a Lamborghini, so I am successful.”
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Freedom – working for yourself and/or doing work you genuinely love and find challenging.
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Fundraising – (alarmingly) in mainstream entrepreneurship, raising money is often treated as success, regardless of whether you’re profitable.
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Extraordinary achievement – reaching a goal beyond the norm; something “not achievable by everyone.”
And when I really sat with what success meant to me, I remembered a quote (unattributed) a good friend shared with me:
The true definition of success is when you stop making excuses for yourself.
That line still punches.
Because excuses are comfortable. They let you outsource responsibility to circumstances. And yes – life is complex, unfair at times, unpredictable. But if you zoom out far enough, excuses have a way of becoming a lifestyle if you let them.
The sprinter mindset (and the trap)
Personally, I’m challenged each and every day to tackle this thought. For me, everything is a mindset.
I picture myself as a sprinter (having a track and field background) looking down the track toward the finish – hurdles or none, focused on running my race ahead as fast, as efficiently, and with unbreakable power to reach that personal level of accomplishment (not “success,” not yet – victory).
But here’s the hard part:
We’re wired to measure ourselves relative to other people, and that’s how we’re tempted to measure “success.” Not by alignment. Not by integrity. Not by effort. By comparison.
John Wooden and the “internal scoreboard”
John Wooden put language to something I couldn’t quite articulate at the time: success is primarily an internal standard – about whether you did your best with what you had, not whether you “beat” someone else. In his TED talk, he frames success as “peace of mind” that comes from knowing you made the effort to become the best you’re capable of becoming. (You can find more on him here TED)
That idea gets me closer to my own definition than any car, title, or bank balance ever could.
“Overnight success” (and what I highlighted)
Around the end of 2010 I was reading a piece by Chris Brogan about that myth of “overnight success.” I copied a paragraph into my notes back then because it hit me square in the chest. (I can’t reliably find the original URL anymore, but the message stuck – so I’m keeping it here because it shaped how I think.)
It said, in essence, that success isn’t a mansion and a yacht – it’s living the life you want, doing the work you’re best at, with people who help you level up. It’s meaningful work, a thriving network, better decisions, and – my favorite line – getting home in time for dinner.
I highlighted a few things immediately:
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Success isn’t the trophy. It’s the life you built while you were chasing it.
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Passion matters, but so does sustainability.
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Relationships are leverage, not in a cynical way – in a “we grow better together” way.
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Time is the one currency you can’t buy back.
And that last one has only become more true with age.
The part I’d write more bluntly today
I wrote in 2012 that big houses and big cars don’t automatically equal success. I still stand by that – but I’d say it with more precision now:
A mansion might be an accomplishment.
It might be a byproduct.
It might even be a goal.
But it is not a reliable indicator of success.
Because I’ve met people with the “stuff” who are anxious, disconnected, unhealthy, trapped in roles they can’t walk away from, or constantly performing. And I’ve met people with far less who have something rare – calm, clarity, and control of their own time.
That, to me, is a form of wealth that doesn’t show up in photos.
So what’s my definition of success?
It’s evolved, but the core is consistent.
Success for me is having the opportunity to work on something I love and build a life (and potentially a business) around it.
Success is:
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Choice: the freedom to make decisions without money being the single determining factor.
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Time: the ability to spend it on what matters – home, family, true friends, health.
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Alignment: shaping my life to fit my natural personality, not forcing myself into someone else’s template.
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Ownership: making my own rules (for myself and the things over which I exert control).
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Accountability: not making excuses for those choices, and living with the consequences like an adult.
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Contentment: being able to say “I am” instead of “you make me to be…”
And yes – sometimes that means working long hours. Sometimes it means a Saturday or Sunday push to hit a milestone. Everything comes at a price.
But a big part of success is also knowing when to shut down.
I love coming home. Going for a run. Cooking. Talking with friends and family. Watching an episode or a movie. Reading a book. Breathing. Being present.
Not because I’m lazy – because I’m trying to build a life I don’t need to escape from.
A higher bar (without the drama)
Set your standards higher and stop making excuses for yourself.
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going,” right? But I’ll add a quieter version that’s been truer for me over the years:
You are your only hindrance – in hindsight.
Because the moment you stop outsourcing responsibility, you also stop outsourcing your power.
What is your definition of success?
And be honest – if nobody could see it, if nobody could like it, approve it, or envy it… what would success look like then?
