We are extremely exhausted. The last 24 hours have been quite a challenge for both Renata and I. The reason being that yesterday, the 05.12.2012 at 1652 our Beagle of nearly 10 months of age passed away. Many might think to themselves that he was just another animal, another pet, but most wont understand or realize the impact of such a family member and the loss unless they have ever had a one themselves and certainly wont understand our current emotional state unless they have ever met Money. Writing down my thoughts is my way, my valve, at certain times of getting my thoughts out of me. A way to process certain ideas, ways of thinking, and even to visually see my emotions. Here I dispense my thoughts:
I like to think that we rescued Money. We purchased him late one evening after the movies on the 13.07.2012. I wrote about it here. Honestly, at the time it was an impulse buy, one that was filled with compassion and sincerity and willingness to do something meaningful. At a local shopping center where we would go watch movies there was a pet store with puppies. Before or after a movie we would occasionally drop by to see the animals but never had the thought of getting one. We saw Money several times before he came home with us, seeing him from the time he was a pup until he was 5 months old sitting in his aquarium type cage with not much room considering his size.
It was then, very late one evening after a movie that we entered the store which was still open and he was sitting there, his head lowered, sad face and was urinating on himself. We stood there, watching all the pups in each aquarium and Money was in one that was dead center, no longer a pup that any family would purchase because of his size. Despite a few other customers around the two owners where cleaning up and getting things done and brought out one of the puppies to a family with children to see. We then asked if we could see the Beagle. They took him out and Ive never seen anything or anyone as happy as Money was at that time. They put him on a leash and out the door we went for a quick 10min walk. It was then that the decision fell that he would become part of the family. We returned to the store, which had closed its doors and upon return the owners hearing the good news did all the paper work and off we went. That first night as a wonderful stroll home.
Over the coming weeks we had lots to teach Money. We consistently practiced commands with him and within a week the smart little guy already had quite a few things down. From the time he entered our door, he literally began turning our lives upside down. Everything began rotating around him and with each week he became more and more of a family member, not simply a pet to either one of us. I don’t think most people understand how you can connect to an animal so emotionally that yes they are still your pet, but at the same time that loving, compassionate feeling you get towards a loved one begins spilling over to these animals as well so that their loss is like losing anyone else. Don’t misunderstand me. Take it as it is or better yet, do something good, challenge yourself and do something meaningful by adopting an animal or simply do something good that you truly care about and imagine it you lost it. How would you feel? Could you shrug your shoulders and walk away?
The last couple months have been such a joy. Teaching Money I imagine, is similar to a child’s first steps. My best friend here recently had a child and his second one is on the way. No matter the long working hours or difficulties one goes through like the major lack of sleep, each time I see him and his son, I see joy. Sincere joy is something that comes from within and to me is an emotion that portrays and spills over into so many other areas of our lives. Money brought us that true joy. The pre-step towards a child. Getting in his routine to go potty, going running, play time, disciplining him when he did something wrong, going for long walks in the evenings and weekends, taking him to the dog park and seeing him play with all his other companions was something that often within the moment I never realized how these day to day things affect you, but sitting down and actually looking at the whole picture makes you realize how precious each moment is. It continues to baffle and at the same time fascinate me how we humans always need something tragic or bad to happen to actually realize how precious and fragile our lives are.
Looking at his pictures, he always seemed to have a smirk-like smile on his face. As odd and as confusing as it may sound, I truly believe that Money, deep within his soul understood and appreciated the freedom we gave him in these last months. We have come across a lot of pets over the last weeks and yes they may be truely special to their owners and they may have wonderful characters but Money always seemed so different and often times strangers would note this as well. Everyone knew him and people around the area, when they saw him again, although weeks may have gone by knew who he was.
His last days have been very hard. I planned to take just over a week off to get away from work and mentally relax, however it all began the day my vacation started, the 24.11.2012. I remember being woke up, Renata mentioning that Money had vomited in the hallway. This isnt something abnormal for puppies as they chew and swallow so many things. During the course of that weekend he vomited again and we took him to our Vet. She told us to go to a nearby clinic to get an X-Ray done and on the X-Ray turned out what looked like a small button. Going back to our Vet she recommend some medication and in theory he should have vomited it out. This is when my no sleep kicked in as he began vomiting all night, his vomit smelling like feces, not eating and barely drinking. The day after we went straight to the clinic and after a more thorough search the doctors decided to operate on him and get out what was clogging his stomach. It was a clear bowel obstruction and this is something serious. As soon as that first vomit came up, Google search became my best friend reading up on all types of animal related issues. After the operation was done and his stomach and intestines were cleaned out, we saw the Doctor come back to us in the waiting room and Money was strolling behind him, slow but walking with that same smirk on his face and wagging his tail happily to see us. The doctor showed us everything he pulled out, from a piece of a cable to a piece of cloth and some other small items. We got special gastrointestinal food, paid a hefty bill and off we went. The next two days Money began recuperating, eating a bit every few hours. He had dropped from his usual 15 kilos to roughly 12.5kg. He put on a bit of weight and began drinking more frequently. Then Friday evening, I was working and he was sleeping on the couch behind me when suddenly he went into a spasm and began howling and biting around in the air and when trying to touch him myself as well. He ran around the door leading to the hallway and sat in the corner. He then seemed to return to normal. We monitored him over the weekend and he had another 3 spastic outbreaks and Sunday began vomiting again. Monday we took him to our Vet and she gave him antibiotics because he apparently had an inflammation in his stomach from the procedure the prior week. The rest of the day he seemed OK and it wasn’t until the early morning hours that he began vomiting a dark brown and black like substance and afterwards a significant amount of blood. It was Tuesday the 4th we took him back to the clinic and an X-Ray showed that he had a few berries he must have picked up on the previous days on his walks from the trees that grow throughout the streets here. This is something that’s hard to avoid. Dogs just get what they can. The same Doctor that treated Money the week before said we should try feeding him some yoghurt and every 2 hours a lick off an ice cube. I was up all night to look after him, sleeping a few hours in the early evening so Renata and I would change shifts. I remember his weeps and him walking around every so often, stopping and staring like a ghost in front of the wall or just standing in the hallway looking at nothing. I felt so helpless. I would then take him back and put him on the couch. I would do something and he would weep again and as soon as I came and sat next to him he cuddled up against me. By this point, due to the lack of regular eating and drinking he was skin and bone weighing a mere 11 KG
Yesterday morning, the 05.12 we called the Doctor at the clinic as requested and let him know that he barely ate any yoghurt and vomited again. Shortly thereafter we brought him in. The Doctor said he needed to do surgery because his intestines had twirled up and the berries also pulled his intestines together and due to the pressure and force he also had an Intussusception. We were told it would take roughly an hour, so we went along with a friend to grab some coffee. It was around 1545 when we left the clinic going to a local coffee shop returning around 1700. We were in the waiting room what seemed like hours however 15min later, one of the Doctors came to get us. The three of us went into the consultation room and the Doctor looked at us and said just a few words in Spanish I didn’t understand. I looked at our friend and asked her, “Is everything fine? Is Money OK?”
I will never forget the expression on our friends face. Renata understood the Doctor. I didnt. Our friend looked at me and said “He died.” He immediately took us to the operating room and sliding the doors open, their was Money – lifeless, his tongue out, blue. Tears are rolling down my cheek as I write this and my hands continue to shake, however at that moment everything broke together. Both of us were devastated. Our Beagle, our child, our baby, our best friend and companion was gone. I couldn’t reanimate him. Money was gone.
I cant go into all the emotions as its still difficult to deal with them. Money was a true friend, a puppy that loved everyone and everyone seemed to love him. 10 months should have been at least 10 years. God has his reasons. I dint keep my promise to Money that everything was going to be OK, but it is through him that we will keep our 2nd promise. During Moneys illness I began starting what my brother and I wanted to do years ago. We founded a non profit organization, The Verendus Foundation. Renata and I have made the promise that we will both, in his name, build the foundation and help all those in need. Do something meaningful the way we did to him and he to us. I will never forget how thankful and happy he was.
This post I dedicate to “Money”, an animal as you may – who changed our lives and became an integral part of our family. WE LOVE YOU!